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By Christian Rose-Day

As the whole of planet Earth waits to see how well South Africa copes with the FIFA World Cup – the first to be played in Africa – the question on everyone’s lips is “Who is going to win?” Sadly, BrandAlley doesn’t have an answer for you there but seeing as “retro-Hispanic elegance” is big in men’s fashion this summer, you’d be wise to have a flutter on Spain, Argentina or even Chile.

The second biggest question on everyone’s lips as we draw closer to that first kick on June 11th is “What do the men of the world wear when they watch their favourite international football team?” – really, they do; just ask Alan Hansen. The original plan for this blog entry was to formulate an in-depth feature about the fashion trends of the global male species whenever soccer appears on TV. However, it has been shown that differing trends are hard to come by under these circumstances. Taking a very immediate straw poll (asking my Slovenian, German and Australian flatmates) it seems the typical attire for footie-loving blokes the world over is jeans, trainers, and a national team shirt (or casual shirt that bears an emblem and/or colour of said national team).

Therefore unceremoniously abandoning the initial idea, I have instead researched World Cup sartorial accents using sweeping generalisations and tenuous foresight. Here, then, are a handful of countries – I’ve chosen eleven, for the sake of football continuity – that are taking part at this year’s World Cup, combined with the recommended outfits that would best suit each team.

USA: Let’s call it ‘redneck chic’ (although pre-existing prejudice tendencies are optional). It requires a tight (preferably red) Brandon plaid shirt from Gap (where else?), a rear tuft of hair in the mullet fashion, three-quarter length straight leg stone-washed jeans (preferably blue), and a pair of bright braces (preferably white) to complete the Star Spangled Banner effect.

Uruguay: The sky blues are the bad boys of the upcoming World Cup boasting a whopping 48 – yes, 48! – red and yellow cards during qualifying rounds; compared with 7 from the virtuous (on the field) England team. The hoodie is a must for all would-be delinquents, made even meaner if it’s in villain black leather (for obvious reasons). A fresh pair of in-trend tennis shoes from the usual outlets (Puma, Nike, Adidas, etc) will accentuate the malevolence, especially if the security tag is still attached.

New Zealand: For those keen on following the All Whites, the most befitting ensemble is the all-in-white. As New Zealand is a nation of explorers and sailors, the white plimsol is a good place to start, coupled with a bold striped nautical blazer with elbow pads (such as this one from Hackett). And, as Team NZ had such an easy route through the ‘Oceania’ qualifying group, a pair of white pleated breezy shorts should help to cool your nerves during the games.

Netherlands: This is an easy one because (a) one of the biggest men’s trends for the Spring/Summer of 2010 is the colour orange (the Dutch national colour), and because (b) the Dutch invented the sporting philosophy of ‘Total Football’ in which every player can be rotationally replaced by another, thus retaining the team’s organisational structure. As long as it’s orange and functional, you’re onto a winner. So, a high-vis hunting jacket it is then.

Germany: As the country with the strongest winning record in World Cup penalty shoot outs (guess who has the weakest record), the German supporter needs to take a clean, clinical, pragmatic approach to dressing. Therefore, sharp tailoring, obviously in white, sporty, slim-fitting, and super casual. A bit like this New Generation Line Jam2/Sharp2 suit from German giants, Hugo Boss. Actually, a lot like that.

Brazil: Think of the sun-drenched beaches of Rio’s Copacabana and a certain picture immediately unfolds: Havaianas jandals, Billabong surf boardies and, as it was in Japan that Brazil last lifted the trophy (2002), a pair of Kenzo sunglasses to help with the sand-dwelling round ball (optional accessory: girl in miniscule bikini). Plus, if you’re not fortunate enough to be blessed with olive skin, a good session in the microwave wouldn’t go amiss for maximum authenticity. This outfit also works for Australian supporters.

South Africa: It’s a fact that 3 of the top 6 richest people on the entire African continent are from South African, so luxury fashion is the only way to go. The image: Louis Vuitton’s recent ‘Look 13’ – comprising of a taxi-yellow soft-denim jacket and shorts (to signify the South African Bafana Bafana team) and buffalo-hide Oxford shoes – coupled with the latest floral safari shirt from To-Orist (to represent the hugely popular and immense Kruger National Park).

Slovakia: As Slovakia is the youngest country at this year’s finals, Slovakian fans will want to exert their youthful abandon on and off the pitch so should appear in sprightly coloured garb – like this fine knit Breton sweater with instarsia Noah Scalin skull from young brand Sibling – and some carefully collated accessories – such as the Christofle Silver Space Invader necklace and Samal Designs Pixeled Eyewear. Gah, younguns today! Tsk!

North Korea: Of all the countries represented at this World Cup, North Korea commands the second largest army (no prizes for speculating on who has the largest) so it’s a strict military fatigues vibe as standard issue for supporters. These functional Maverick Combat Trousers from FLY53 would go perfectly with a plain white tee and summer buzz cut. Alternatively, for those of the fatter wallet, this single breasted nylon field jacket with two front oversize patch pockets from Burberry should put all Privates in their place.

Spain: The World Cup is a celebration of colour and style and having never won the trophy themselves, the perennially underachieving Spaniards should be somewhere in the mix come the final stages. With so much flair on the field (Torres, Alonso, Fabregas), it’s time for the Spanish brand Desigual to strut about off the field. This particular piece from their latest collection not only has that Latin flair, it also looks suspiciously like a chart of World Cup flags, from a distance.

England: England’s central playmaker, Frank Lampard, has taken part in more minutes of this World Cup campaign than any other player in the squad (890, to be precise). In honour of this great feat, to dress ‘the Lamps way’ you’ll need (a) a dark casual jacket, (b) faded blue jeans, and (c) plenty of orange foundation. A winning formula in anyone’s book.